Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
