she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
