why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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