i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
