I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
