Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
