Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
