You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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