i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
