My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
