Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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