So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
