So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
