Swine flu. Run for my life!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I could make wine with my vomit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize