its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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