we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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