Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
