I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
