Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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