We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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