Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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