She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
