I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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