I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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