I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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