So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
