I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize