The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
