chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
