Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
