theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
