Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All the doctor said was why
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
