Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
