We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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