You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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