the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
