im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
