So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
