he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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