He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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