Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
