There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
