in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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