You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
