I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
