All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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