Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
