Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
