She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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