I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
