Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
