Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
