Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
