White coat. Heels.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
