somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
