So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
