I think I won the penis lottery.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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