i wish my penis had a tongue
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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