Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
