We left an ass print on the piano.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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