I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
