I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
