I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
