There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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