ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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