you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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