I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
