I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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