Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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