Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
God, I missed his penis.
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