We won't sleep together?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
